You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
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