You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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