THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
i drank out of a bidet.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Randomize
