take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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