At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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