wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
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