Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
