Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
