I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
