Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
