All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
