Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
