Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
he's gonorrhea incarnate
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
