can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
