I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
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