Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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