got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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