It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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