That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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