We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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