They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
