In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
