Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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