I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I'm jealous of your bromance
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
