First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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