Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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