honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
