She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
