I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
