I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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