You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
