I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Randomize