It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize