he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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