did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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