I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
