I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
