it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
