I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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