I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
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