If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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