You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
