Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
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