Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
