thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
