The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize