i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
