You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Randomize
