Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Shame - the story of my life.
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