you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
