seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
