I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
