she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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