She said her name was "party"
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Randomize
