My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize