He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize