I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
