We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
