Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
