Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
