Your mouth is God's brothel.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize