You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
